It's cold and wet but it feels good on the bike today. The legs and pedals are turning over nicely and in a very satisfying rhythm. I do a couple of laps of the estate to add further distance on to the ride today. I'm going to keep going to really extend my longest ride. It feels fresh to alter the route so I take a turn off the cycle path and onto a wooden track that will take me up to the fancy New Hall Hotel. The wooden track makes a nice rickety sound under the wheels but I'm going to need to break for these sharp left turn. Oooh, that's a funny sound from below. Hang on this doesn't feel right. The bike skids and then with a mind of it's own like a reluctant racehorse ejecting its jockey it goes sliding to the left. I hit the ground with a thud but the wet conditions result in me sliding head first along the path like a cartoon character on an iced over lake. Hmmm, first thing I check is my new Garmin watch that my wonderful wife got me for Christmas. It's okay. Surprisingly I don't feel hurt in any way. I obviously have a fresh graze on my knee as I can feel it sticking to the inside of my trouser leg. In actual fact I quite enjoyed the fall. I feel quite a rush and a bit of a thrill; now where's my bike. I retrieve my normally reliable chariot from the nearby ditch. Quickly I prepare to set off again and not add wasted time to my record of the ride. Hang on though the back wheel is not doing anything and making an unpleasant chunking noise. Looks like I'm not riding anywhere and I'm stranded. Better phone my dad . . .
Partying like it's 1999 would now seem a bit of a drag. You'd have to make sure you'd deleted all your messages on your Nokia otherwise when people contacted you to wish you a happy new year at midnight you would get the dreaded 'No Space For New Messages'. You'd have to prepare a mix tape for the party rather than knocking up a quick play list on your iPhone. You'd have to go through the painstaking process of setting up start and end times for the VCR to record Jools Holland. At least when you did get drunk and dropped your Nokia there was more chance of creating a crater in the ground than breaking your phone. Also, when you woke up late the next afternoon you would still have nearly full battery power no matter how many texts you'd sent to people's phones that had no space to receive them and you could whittle away the hours of your hangover playing as many games of Snake as you desired.
I wonder if Prince meant party like it's 1998 crossing over to 1999 which seems not such a significant new year. I wonder if he meant partying for the entirety of 1999 which seems excessive. Or I wonder if he meant on the scale of New Years Eve 1999 as the last hours of the century disappeared into a hedonistic whirl wind. As we welcomed the new millennium in I was due to celebrate at a massive concert by Manic Street Preachers with Uni friends but I was struck down with a virus and saw the new century in from the comfort of my sick bed. That New Years Eve there was a pressure to do something out of this world or hugely significant to celebrate the huge occasion or at least enjoy civilisation before every computer in the world destroyed itself and us as it couldn't cope with the date 01/01/2000. It was a pressure similar to the one I have felt at times this festive period.
Dozens of people have told me that I deserved to have a special Christmas to the extent that I felt a weight of expectation to have the grandest day since the original one in the stable in Bethlehem. I have never shirked away from talking about my cancer , the surgery or my mind set during the recovery but for some reason I have been irked by the stream of messages wishing me a new year and hoping that this year is a better one, or a healthier one or thank god 2016 is over. The passing of 2016 into 2017 stirs feelings I don't want. It's difficult for many to believe but I will actually look back on 2016 with fondness. I spent so much time with my wonderful family and in the company of my three very special boys, friends were there to support me and became valued more than they will ever know, I learned things about myself I never knew, I became stronger in so many ways, there were special occasions such as the arrival of a new nephew, a wonderful family holiday, beginning my journey to triathlon(s), and an enjoyable Christmas in addition to planning many things to look forward to over the coming months. People mean well but for some unknown reason the messages haven't sat well and they have drawn out an event I am happy to move on from. I don't want to forget the cancer as it has been an important and influential part of my life. It just feels some events don't need to be in reference to it. I don't want to be wished to have a healthier year than the last; any one of us could become ill on any given day and one of my promises of myself is that I won't dwell on the possibilities of a recurrence of the illness. I won't be living in fear of it; if it happens it happens and that will be the time to think about it and deal with it.
The theme of the old year ending and new year beginning almost feels like it is forcing thoughts on me that I don't want to dwell on. I appreciate all the messages of good health and greatly value the love and support I have received though.
The irony is I am staring the new year with tonsillitis. Happy new year!
