Positive Tension

Physical exercise is no doubt good for the soul. However, swimming, cycling and running alone leaves the mind with a lot of time to think. Too much time to think. In the pat my hours of solitude in the pool or on the bike have left me reflecting on my journey, cancer, my rotten luck and the crap of been through.

However, as I tackle the new year with a positive attitude and looking forward rather than back my trail of thoughts has altered and taken a more satisfying path. Tackling training on the bike thinking about what I’m going to do next, where I can go faster next time or what future rides can achieve is rather than reflecting on the hellacious journey so far is not only a more positive approach and thought process but makes the whole thing more enjoyable and satisfying.

Moving

You can’t compete with history.

And as I wish everyone a happy new year and see off the year 2017 with a tirade of expletives that is the sentiment that undlerlines my main feelings.

I don’t normally think much of New Year or it’s resolutions. The “new year, new me” crap grates me and I’ve always seen it as merely turning another page on the calendar. You got to bed and wake up the next morning (if you’re lucky) just like all the other days. However, this year for the first time I’m keen to use it as a fresh start. It’s going to be the beginning of my conscious effort to not let cancer to define my feelings and thoughtS. Celebrating how far I’ve come is rightly so a worthwhile exercise but it involves looking backward and dredging up unwanted memories and worries. It inadvertently leads to sobering memories and dark alleys. In 2018 rather than reflecting on what’s happened and how well I’ve done to beat cancer I’m aiming to look forward to where I’m going. My eyes are on what’s ahead and what I’m aiming for and where I want to be next rather than where I’ve been.