And the wheels are off!!! Not literally, the bike is fixed but figuratively speaking they are well and truly off. It's not crisis point but the breaks have been applied before that car crash of a disaster occurs just around the corner.
After weeks of a brave face, appearing calm, spinning the positive vibes and reassuring others the realisation that you are not actually coping sneaks up with venom. The trouble is it's not putting on a front if you genuinely believe it yourself.
The good thing is when you've suffered anxiety and depression before you know there is an end. As you unsuccessfully clasp at the sides of the black cauldron and slip back down you know that today may have been a failure but tomorrow will be another chance.
Even so, I should have recognised the symptoms before the wheels came off. The not wanting to go out, the self loathing, panicking about going places I normally enjoy, the getting hung up on things that shouldn't really matter, the short fuse, feeling like the working day ahead is going to last forever, the lethargy, the shutting yourself away in a safe haven. But I didn't and here I am pressing the reset button, needing down time and building myself up again. It takes a bit of selfishness, it takes a bit of help from others and it takes a lot of patience.
Onwards and upwards . . . eventually.
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